Can a Relationship Work the Second Time Around?

Well, there are a few things that should happen IF two people do choose to get back together and make a second “go of it”

1. Take it slow…REAL slow! When you are familiar with someone and decide to revisit, its quite easy to fall right back in place to where you used to be. But, exercise caution…this may not be the person you knew before…they have changed somewhat. Take the time to re-familiarize yourself with them. While you might be dying to fast-forward to cozy Saturday mornings in bed, it’s important to stop and think about why you want to be together…just like you would while getting close with any new person. You have to make sure you are not getting reacquainted for the wrong reasons (i.e. loneliness, comfortable being with that person). Taking it slow works a long ways towards having reassurance you are doing it for the right reasons.

2. Air out the past…yes, you split for a reason…even if it’s hazy now. But you and your ex-ex need to face what went wrong the first time if you’re going to move forward and then let it go, once and for all. The caveat to this is not use combative or defensive language that would make hashing out old issue impossible. Using language such as “I felt that…” or “It would be great if we could….” This language does two things (1) It speaks more about YOUR feelings, not the other person’s and (2) leaves little room for the other person to be defensive because hey..its how YOU felt, not necessarily what actually happened. This leads to more open dialogue to get to the heart of the problems and come up with sincere, viable solutions to avoid them in the future. Not having this talk will almost certainly lead to a break-up..and most likely for the very same reason you did in the first place. It doesn’t have to be unpleasant, but it has to be done.

3. Move on..get over it…keep it gone. You would hope that you learned something during the split…and that whatever happened during the time apart has made you stronger, more mature, and more likely not to repeat those same mistakes. Give each other the benefit of the doubt and just start over from that first cup of coffee and “hello” like nothing happened. If you must focus on the past…focus only on the good parts…how you made each other feel real special. Oh, and if you must discuss what went on and who you dated during the time apart, keep it brief and broad. Something like “I dated a few times, but they couldn’t hold a candle to what we had” let’s them know that you didn’t go into hibernation, but at the same time, you still held what you shared close.

As you think of your past relationships, keep in mind that not EVERYONE deserves or should get a second chance…no matter how they made you feel. Remember the things that caused the break-up in the first place, then…choose wisely!

Until next time